


Musical arrangements and tangled strings

by tooweird2live



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Comfort, Confident Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Cute Mark Lee (NCT), Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Idol Mark Lee (NCT), Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Student Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Suh Youngho | Johnny is a Good Friend, Teasing, Understanding, ish, not exactly but kinda sex worker, sugar baby haechan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:29:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29064369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooweird2live/pseuds/tooweird2live
Summary: Mark Lee is stressed TM. Johnny suggests an unconventional way to get him past his musician block. Mark agrees.Or idol Mark and college student Donghyuck have an arrangement: they fuck, Donghyuck gets paid, and feelings are definetely not suppossed to be there. Spoiler: strings in musical arrangements often get tangled - as do hearts.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 48
Kudos: 301





	1. Don´t need another perfect lie

**Author's Note:**

> [Vietnamese translation](https://www.wattpad.com/1023248881?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_reading&wp_page=reading_part_end&wp_uname=motnaichuoichin&wp_originator=%2FtdKtlgQBNHe0Ck9rvj9BQbMhpnn5fimPwUbgeMYCYpxnCqLzPc8rVxQSLzCqsYc26s%2BLqpx1QBu4ct6OLAuhIvu51yEgOZANAHEJBY5VRRtl8RW%2BXkkklB3dyKCFwK6) available!
> 
> Chapter title from OneRepublic´s [Secrets](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHm9MG9xw1o)(it´s such a pretty song, especially the [violin version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJ_fkw5j-t0)).
> 
> Heads up, I don´t particularly think I´m good at smut, so even if it´s obviously there, it´s probably not that descriptive in all the scenes.
> 
> And Idk anything about songwriting, it´s just there, creative freedom and shit yk. 
> 
> Also, Mark´s hair color is constantly changing through this whole thing bc I´m in love w him and indecisive; he looks good in all of them, and I´m using him being an idol as the perfect excuse to enjoy that. And Donghyuck´s hair is blonde and long bc I have the fattest crush on long-haired Haechan all through 2020, sue me. 
> 
> On to more important stuff: in this fic, 00 line are not part of NCT, they are all students. I hope you enjoy!

Mark is not stressed out.

You might think that´s a lie, but it´s really not. He doesn´t _feel_ stressed. He just has a bunch of deadlines to meet, some unclear stuff to do, and lots of things hanging in between the almost-done and not-even-started phase. But, he´s really not stressed by any of that; he´s chill, even has time to ignore some of his responsibilities and everything´s fine.

Yes, maybe he doesn´t sleep nearly enough – not only because he doesn´t have much time, but because he has some trouble falling asleep (and then waking up). Maybe his hands are little shaky from the amount of coffee and energized drinks he has had. Maybe he´s not that hungry ever, or can´t stop eating somedays. Maybe he wakes up some mornings feeling nothing, and is just in a constant stand-by mode. Maybe he leaves his works hanging for longer than necessary because he´s not sure if they´re good enough, and his brain won´t stop telling him he could be doing more.

And maybe he is just a little, teeny tiny bit stressed.

Honestly, he´s used to all of this, so it doesn't feel all that critical to him anymore. Although, that doesn´t take away the fact that it´s not really healthy for him.

Luckily for Mark, his ( _many_ ) members look out for him. Even if they live in different apartments (because there are too many of them, and big boys need their space), they still live in the same complex. Some members live with in groups of four, some in three, some in pairs, some alone. Due to his already mentioned workload, Mark chose to have his own little apartment with a room, kitchen and bathroom for himself.

(That doesn´t mean people don´t barge in randomly, though).

Actually, it is his members who get him in his current predicament. A surprise, Johnny said. A little surprise that would get Mark out of his musician block (is that a thing?) and help him with the stress issue.

The surprise comes in the shape of a beautiful stranger in his living room.

He is sitting on Mark´s couch, his legs spread open and chin up like he owns the place. He´s wearing nothing special, just ripped jeans and a graphic tee. Yet, Mark is dazzled by his presence.

He has beautiful tanned skin and pretty moles. His hair is dyed a tame shade of blonde, and is on the longer side. His lips are pink, heart-shaped, and look oh so ready to destroy Mark. His eyes are dark, big, and make him feel like he´s burning inside.

Mark is fucked. Absolutely fucked – and could probably wax poetry about pretty eyelashes grazing golden skin and enticing moles right here, right now.

“Hey, I´m Donghyuck,” the stunning boy says in a nonchalant way, his voice dripping honey. His eyes roam all over the older boy, like a predator about to devour his prey. “Johnny Hyung said you´d be here.”

“Uh, yeah. I´m Mark,” he dumbly provides. Donghyuck snickers.

“I´m aware,” he says playfully. He stands up and takes one step towards the idol, with a feline grace that Mark finds dangerously attractive. “And Johnny Hyung also said you´re shy.”

“I´m not!” he splutters, feeling the heat crawling up his cheeks. Donghyuck has the guts to smirk and look all smug about it. He takes one step further, falling into the elder´s personal space.

When he raises a hand, and slowly sets it on Mark´s chest, his breath hitches for a moment. And the boy only looks at him curiously, gauging every reaction. His lithe fingers start tracing patterns over Mark´s clothes, his touch feathery – making him crave more. Mark´s muscles tense as Donghyuck´s hand grazes his stomach and treads over the hem of his pants.

Donghyuck looks up with a predatory smile.

“I could help you _release_ some stress,” he says playfully, knowing well what he´s doing.

“Are you – are you sure? Is this – I´m not-“

“You´re cute,” Donghyuck chuckles, hooking his fingers on the idol´s belt loops, crashing their hips together. Mark gulps. “I know what I´m here for, I agreed to Johnny´s terms and conditions, and unless you have some sort of non-mainstream kink or a necessary discussion to have, you should hurry up, cause I´m impatient.”

Mark can feel his heart in his throat. He can feel his throbbing dick growing in his pants, and his breath being snatched away. And while he´d have said no a couple of months ago, he´s not opposed to the idea of fucking his stress out now.

It´s a no attachments thing. The boy knows what he´s getting into. No one is getting hurt, and his career is safe.

Mark kisses Donghyuck right on the lips, open-mouthed and greedy. And Donghyuck kisses him back, letting him do as he pleases, and just as eager.

It all happens in a rush. Clothes and hands and mouths everywhere, leaving goosebumps and burning desires in their path. There´s no sound but that of their shortened breaths and moving bodies. It´s not pretty, not emotional, not intimate in any kind of way. It is purely carnal, raw want. Mark doesn´t need anything more than that.

He comes tangled in Donghyuck´s body, feeling lighter than before. Maybe he will thank Johnny for this idea of his.

***

Donghyuck is the average college student.

He has stuff to do, places to be, expenses to pay. He´s majoring in computer science. He shares a dorm with his best friend Yangyang. He has other friends who study in the same college or nearby. He loves chicken and singing, and his hobby is gaming.

He´s had a stable part-time job for a while and a scholarship, and honestly, he´s pretty well off considering his parents are paying a part of his tuition. That doesn't mean a little extra money wouldn´t come in handy.

Donghyuck´s an off the bat normal guy.

Except for the little fact that he´s friends with NCT´s Johnny, an idol. And said friend just recommended him for a little job.

Look, at first, Donghyuck was joking. When he said he´d leave school and become a sugar baby, he didn´t realize the implications of said occupation. Don´t get him wrong, he respects sex workers, but had never seriously considered what comes with the job. He didn´t think he´d be able to be a sugar baby – but Johnny´s offer is too good to pass.

He knows he´s safe. He knows he´s not getting scammed. He knows he can trust Johnny´s judgement. It´s a hook-up, with some payment by the end of it.

So, Donghyuck accepts the money, and sleeps with Mark Lee.

It´s honestly one of the best lays he´s ever had. And he simply waited for Mark (who´s not only hot and cute, but apparently also a gentleman) to clean him up, got up and left. No awkwardness, no relationship bullshit. Only an appointment for next week, and some extra ceros on his bank account. Definitely efficient.

As long as Donghyuck keeps to his two golden rules, everything will be fine: 1) Not staying over or falling asleep at Mark´s place, 2) Not calling his name while they´re at it – it´s a job he could be doing for anyone, the fact that it´s Mark is and should remain unimportant. Two rules that will keep everything under control and in check.

He´s so gonna thank Johnny Hyung later.

***

It goes in the same way for maybe two or three weeks. Nothing intimate – nothing even kinky, just regular, stress-liberating sex.

Donghyuck makes sure no one sees him come in or go out. Only his friends know where he´s going – and even they are on the dark on who this idol is. He slips into Mark´s little apartment, and they get on with it. Once Mark is done, he usually helps the younger clean up, says good night. And Donghyuck leaves.

Nothing special to report on that one.

At first Mark tried to be a bit nicer about this whole…arrangement. He´d offer Donghyuck a drink and make awkward small talk. It went like this:

When he entered the apartment, it was all surprisingly clean – the way apartments never are unless you´re expecting an important visitor or don´t actually live there. The second thing he noticed was that Mark was wearing a pair of jeans, a baby blue button-up shirt, and a belt – which is not an outfit anyone would wear just to be home alone on their day off. Then again, his hair was styled away from his forehead, and there was the slightest glimmer of makeup on his already pretty face.

“Yo, wassup?” the idol asked in his deep rapper voice. Even if Donghyuck did find it all very hot, he wanted to be done with the charade and get on with it.

“Just the regular college stuff,” he shrugged, taking his coat off.

“ _Dang_ , what are you majoring in?” Mark asked. Donghyuck sighted loudly. While Mark wasn´t treating him like a fan (cause that´d be weird), he also wasn´t engaging in the supposedly normal person/normal person interaction Donghyuck was going for. And Donghyuck found the whole perfect Idol Mark Lee Act annoying (what kind of person says _dang_ with their whole chest? For fuck´s sake, swear properly).

“Are you okay with shower sex?” the younger boy questioned instead. Mark´s cheeks turned bright red, but he nodded nevertheless. “Great! I kinda feel like it.”

Donghyuck made his way through the older boy´s apartment. He turned on the showered and undressed quickly. He could hear Mark´s hesitant steps behind him (and could feel his heated gaze taking in his naked body). He waited for the idol to talk.

“The makeup isn´t waterproof,” he murmured, sounding bashful. Donghyuck snorted.

“Unless you´re wearing makeup on your dick, I couldn´t care less. And your face is handsome enough as it is, don´t be pushy,” was his honest reply. He didn´t turn around, not wanting to see the idol´s reaction – but he was sure the sharp intake of air could be read as relief and lust. “This is about relaxing, not another schedule.”

“Okay.”

Donghyuck got in the shower, followed by an excited (and a little nervous) Mark. As soon as he turned to the idol, Donghyuck placed his hands on his firm chest, pushed him against the wall, and got his fingers through his then pink hair, messing it up. He tried not to be affected by the sight of Mark´s body, but his mouth watered at the gorgeous sight; he started by kissing the long column of his neck, sucking on the pretty moles there, growing hotter as Mark let out a couple of barely-contained moans.

“Oh, and you can curse all you want, mister Idol. I like it,” Donghyuck said into the elder´s lips. Mark blushed, and Donghyuck answered him with a self-satisfied smirk.

Ever since the fateful shower sex, Donghyuck has made it clear; he knows what the agreement is, and that idols are real people who aren´t perfect and nice all the time, there´s no need to try so hard in front of him.

(The fact that Mark still asked for his major after sex is not relevant).

***

It must have been a month or so since they have this thing going on. And even if Mark is good at pretending he´s fine, Donghyuck is observant _and_ clever.

It might not seem so, but the younger boy is always paying attention to small things. He jokes around and teases and laughs – and he tries to keep everyone around him happy and light. He is smarter than many people make him out to be.

So yes, Donghyuck notices that Mark is human and he´s beaten. Seeing the remains of smudged makeup on his eyes, and the way he carries himself over to his bedroom, Donghyuck simply knows. And even if Mark is not his friend, he´s not just gonna get him more tired. It´s called basic decency. (And his job is to help Mark relax, however that might be).

So, Donghyuck decides to be _especially_ nice about this whole thing for once.

“Not to be a downer, but you look like you were swallowed by hell and vomited right back,” he says, looking Mark up and down.

“Wow, thanks,” the idol answers, fatigue laced in his words. He lets out a heavy sigh. “You know, maybe you should go. Sorry for being a bother, I´ll still pay.”

Donghyuck scoffs. Mark is really nice, but apparently also a bit dumb.

“Dude, I´m not leaving when you look half dead. Johnny Hyung would have my ass if something happened to you,” he declares, hands on his hips. The older boy frowns, looking like a confused puppy. “You head to bed, I´ll cook something substantial.”

“How do you know I haven´t eaten?” Mark challenges. Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

“There are no dishes in the sink, and none of those takeaway bags are here. I´m pretty sure you take out trash on Mondays, not Fridays, so you couldn´t have ordered anything without me noticing,” he replies confidently.

That´s detective inspector Lee Donghyuck for you.

They look at each other, seizing the other up. And, since no one can really out-stubborn Lee Donghyuck, Mark gives in (not because he´s captivated those pretty brown eyes, he tells himself). He presses his lips into a thin line, and wearily does what the younger told him to.

It happens to be one of the best power naps Mark´s ever had. Maybe it´s because people enjoy power naps more when they take them at weird times – during class, or at mass, or at midnight (when you´re supposed to actually sleep, not nap). Or maybe it has to do with him waking up to the smell of delicious homemade food (and a beautiful golden boy shaking his shoulder). Both are good theories.

He looks at his counter, his eyes going wide.

“You didn´t have to make all of this,” he murmurs with his sleep-addled voice, adorably rubbing his eyes with a fist to make sure he´s not dreaming up the feast in his kitchen.

“I don´t exactly know what you like or how long you´ve spent without eating,” Donghyuck replies matter-of-factly. He shrugs. “Take it or leave it.”

“Thank you,” Mark says, sincerity overflowing his words. He sits down, patting the stool next to him to signal the younger boy to do the same.

At first, they just sit in silence, gobbling down the food. The air around them is…weird, to say the least. Donghyuck would say there´s some kind of tension between them – especially since they don’t really interact except for sex. He feels a little restless and awkward, but the older boy doesn´t seem to notice: he´s probably too tired and hungry for that.

For the sake of his own sanity, Donghyuck speaks up.

“So, what´s got you looking like a zombie?” he says. The corners of Mark´s lips turn upward.

“If this is the way you flirt, I don´t think it´s working for me,” he jokes a little, still enthusiastically eating. “Putting food in me isn´t gonna work either, even if I do appreciate it.”

“You don´t like the idea of me putting something in you, pretty boy?” Donghyuck asks, obnoxiously wiggling his eyebrows. His smirk grows bigger when Mark tries to hide the red tinting his cheeks with a loud huff.

“Not in the mood – at least not today.”

“What has you avoiding bottoming today, then?” the younger boy keeps teasing. Oh, he´s enjoying this more than he should. 

“Worried about me?” Mark asks with a quirked eyebrow, upping his game.

“Meh, you can go on with the shady idol thing if you want,” he shrugs.

“I´m not shady,” Mark mutters, throwing a little (cute) glare his way.

“Sure, hon.” The idol chuckles, shaking his head.

“I´m just a bit stressed about performances and making them memorable, I guess,” he says. It´s a constant struggle for Mark, thinking of ways to keep himself being funny, different, exciting. He doesn't want fans to see the same performance in different outfits and for it to be only that. It´s not like he´ll change the choreography, but he could try doing _something_ at least. Big sigh.

He doesn't know why he lets Donghyuck know this, though, it´s not like he has anything to do with it. But well, he figures he had to let it out, and didn´t want to worry his members unnecessarily. Or maybe it´s just that Donghyuck is so real – will say what he actually thinks, won´t view or treat Mark differently, won´t care enough to go around starting rumors. He doesn't know, but saying it out loud, even as vague as it was, makes him feel lighter.

And somehow, Donghyuck understands where his thoughts are.

“You could surprise them,” the younger mentions nonchalantly.

“How?” he says defeatedly, his shoulders slumping. Donghyuck hums, pursing his lips in a little pout as he thinks.

“Doing something not very you. Like, not the usual ending fairy and the three deep breaths. Something unexpected, you know?”

“I´m assuming you´ve watched my performances,” Mark says smugly.

“Do you enjoy being watched, Mark Hyung?” Donghyuck teases back. The older boy breaks eye contact, blushing slightly.

“Oh my god. I´m starting to believe you can´t speak without flirting,” he dejects, clicking his tongue. Donghyuck still notices the little tremor in his voice and how he´s fiddling with his chopsticks. Teasing Mark is fun (and easy), so he keeps doing it.

“Is it working yet?”

“No…”

Donghyuck suddenly stands up, startling the idol. Before he can ask, the younger places his hands behind his neck seductively, elbows above his head, winking at Mark. With an overly-breathy voice he says:

“What about _now_?”

Mark bursts out laughing, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He claps and stomps his feet, not stopping until his cackling turns into softer giggles. Donghyuck thinks he looks very cute.

“Maybe I´ll try that next time,” the older boy says, wiping away the little tears at the corner of his eyes.

“Do I get a reward for my wonderful idea? Or would you rather I reward you in advance for your exceptional next performance?”

“Shut up,” he rolls his eyes, but how his tongue travels over his lower lip is not lost on the younger boy.

“I don´t think I want to—”

Mark surges forward, smashing their lips together with force. Donghyuck is fast to open his lips and welcome Mark´s tongue into his warm mouth. He runs his fingers through the idol´s black locks, pulling on them slightly. When the older boy groans into his mouth, Donghyuck guides them into the bedroom.

***

After a couple of their _sessions_ , Donghyuck soon learns that a riled-up Mark Lee is a very fun Mark Lee. He makes the most out of these conclusions.

“Mister Lee, we have sex every week. Don´t you want to do something to _spice_ things up? You´re an _artist_ , be creative,” he mock-chastises. His shirt is already discarded, left somewhere on the floor, and Mark too is in a disheveled state – more like run over, but whatever.

“I´m really fine like this,” the older boy says, not meeting his eyes. He´s painfully hard, with a firm hand on Donghyuck´s hip, and still has the guts to be all cutesy with the awkward and shy act. Donghyuck hates how much he likes it.

“Hmmm, I just think you have a great kink potential, but you´re too shy to share it,” Donghyuck keeps on teasing, one of his fingers drawing circles on Mark´s hard, tense stomach. He´s just a little bit curious, okay? Besides, sex without feelings is not a thing – in general, human-related activities without feelings are not a thing. Even numbness has its own flavor. And Donghyuck doesn´t like it, which is why he wants something more than desire to be there when Mark and him fuck. It´s not a matter of the heart, just a matter of getting bored of the same sensations. That´s it.

Mark, however, seems to a tad bit too reserved to be more specific on what moves him. And he´s still _blushing_. God, for an idol, Mark switches way too easily between awkward and boyish charm, to sexy and flirty charm. Donghyuck hasn´t completely figured out how all that works – yet.

“I don´t really think about it,” Mark murmurs against the younger´s neck, trying to distract him with his skilled tongue on his heated skin. Donghyuck hums.

“I don´t buy it,” he replies, digging his fingers in the idol´s messy locks and pulling slightly to look at him. “Like, I´d honestly peg you for a vanilla kind of guy if you didn´t have those dancer hips. Then lingerie just seems to do it for everyone, and I´m pretty sure you´d be into exhibitionism cause idol, ya know? And edging too, but not which role you like better. Other than your obvious obsession with my legs and neck, I´m lost. Point is, I need some input on your part, dude.”

He watches as Mark´s neck, face _and_ ears get redder and redder after every one of his words. The older boy tries to hide it by burying his face in Donghyuck´s neck again, but there is no hiding from Donghyuck´s teasing.

“I´m— just, like, no comment,” Mark answers in a tiny voice that gives away a lot. Looks like Donghyuck might have hit the mark with some of those _observations_. He hopes his smugness is clear in his voice.

“Communication is the key, mister Lee!”

“Yeah, that´s definitely not it, so no more `mister Lee´ nonsense,” he grumbles, hot puffs of air making the younger´s skin tingle. Donghyuck smirks. Hooked. His hand travels down Mark´s stomach, until he´s cupping his hard-on through his sweats.

“Then?” he asks, digging the heel of his hand, adding the extra pressure needed for Mark to moan and try to push back.

“It´s not gonna work, Hyuck,” he tries to glare through hooded eyes. His dick doesn´t seem to agree with him, tough.

“Really?” Donghyuck teases, a satisfied male smirk on his lips as he grinds his hips against the elder´s, eliciting a soft gasp. How much the sight of a cute, mad, turned on Mark irks him on isn´t relevant.

Mark doesn´t answer, although his reddened ears and leaking cock could be considered enough of a reply. And Donghyuck isn´t one to let up easily. He switches their positions on the sofa, climbing on the idol´s lap. He takes in the way in which the strong chords of muscle on Mark´s arms tense and flex to keep him steady. That´s the last push for Donghyuck to ground his ass on the elder´s dick.

“Just like this, Hyuck,” Mark breathes out, brushing the words against the younger´s lips, tightening his hold on his hips, surely leaving imprints of his long, guitar-calloused fingers on his skin. “I like you just like this.”

Donghyuck decides to attribute the weird feeling in his stomach to lust, and maybe his praise kink. Mark´s wandering hands on his body don´t let him think it through, as they shoot pleasure up his spine. And the younger boy won´t let the idol have the last word.

“Oh! I know! You´re from Canada, right?” Donghyuck speaks up again. Mark nods, looking slightly frustrated at the interruption, and really confused at the question. Summoning his knowledge in English, Donghyuck says in a breathy, overly-porny pitch: “Like it if I call you _baby,_ _gorgeous_ , _baby boy_ , _tiger_ , _sexy_ , _kitten, cupcake_??”

“Oh my god,” Mark groans. He lets his head fall on the backrest of the sofa, clutching his eyes closed as if trying to hold off the image. Yet, his cheeks and neck keep on flushing a really pretty shade of pink that has Donghyuck´s mouth craving for a taste.

“Or maybe _you_ can call _me_ that! I´d suggest playing catboy, but I´ve seen your performances, and you´re definitely the catboy here, Mark Lee.”

“Hyuck!” a scandalized Mark shrieks. Donghyuck can´t help the giggles falling off his lips. And now the older boy looks a tad bit past annoyed. In a quick movement, he takes both their cocks in his hand and _strokes_ , making Donghyuck arch into the touch and gasp rather loudly. It´s the idol´s turn to smirk, it seems: “Just keep making those pretty sounds for me.”

Donghyuck giggles between moans, amused and so turned on by this playful, confident Mark Lee. He could definitely snark something back, but decides it´s been enough teasing and not nearly enough touching. So, he gives Mark what he wants.

“Ah, right there, Hyung,” he whines when the older boy thumbs over his slit. Mark keeps his pace, going slow enough to make it last, and quick enough to make it devastatingly enjoyable. He strokes both of them into completion, drinking in every sound coming out of Donghyuck´s pretty lips.

Donghyuck leaves wrapped up in an extra hoodie Mark lent him, because it´s late and cold. He considers giving it back the next session, but decides against it – it´s a comfortable hoodie, okay, don´t judge.

He doesn't look back as he leaves the idol´s apartment; longing glances are for lovers. Donghyuck isn´t one.

***

It becomes a common occurrence; them talking a bit, teasing a lot and fucking hard. It´s kind of what they signed up for.

Currently, Donghyuck is bent over Mark´s desk, boneless and breathing hard, the idol´s warm chest pressed against his back. He´s facing the wall Mark´s guitar is set against. An idea comes to his mind.

“What would you say if I asked you to play me like a guitar?” Donghyuck says between pants. He can feel Mark huff behind him, and imagines he´s rolling his eyes too.

“I´d do this,” the idol whispers hotly to his ear before he feels his hands at his sides, tickling him. Donghyuck explodes in a series of giggles. He tries to escape Mark´s quick fingers, but it´s no use, the older boy has him trapped between the desk and his solid body.

“Stop it, Hyung!” the younger manages to say between laugh and laugh. Mark blows a raspberry on his shoulder and finally lets go, taking a step back. He heads for a tissue to clean the boy up. But Donghyuck is not one to give up. “C´mon, you´re a musician, I´m sure you´ve fantasized with instruments before.”

A dirty tissue is thrown at his face. Donghyuck can hear Mark´s little chuckle. He starts cleaning himself up (he´s so thankful for condoms, makes the cleaning so much easier).

“If you wanna hear me play that much, I´ll show how it´s done,” he says as he picks up his discarded boxers and t-shirt from the floor. He throws them on before handing Donghyuck his own clothes. The younger boy dresses quickly, trying not ogle so obviously at Mark´s god-like body.

“You really are what you eat, huh? Such a cocky boy, Mark Lee,” he teases. Mark shakes his head, and pretends to frown, but the little uptilted corner of his lips gives him away. The way he looks at Donghyuck, too, if he´s honest.

Mark takes his guitar and sits on the bed. Donghyuck follows him. There´s space between them, as there always is when they´re not fucking. Sure, they´re kind of friends now, or something like that, but intimacy is not really something they do – it´s not part of their arrangement.

“What would you like me to play?” Mark asks.

“Anything Michael Jackson is great,” he answers. The idol nods, and strums the guitar softly.

For Donghyuck it´s weird seeing Mark like this, he means. It´s strange to think that many, many people have seen Mark Lee play his guitar – but none of them have seen him play it like this, with a bare and flushed face, with a little stubble over his top lip, ruffled black hair, in his boring CK underwear and an old t-shirt, in the dim light of his messy bedroom. It feels like Donghyuck is getting through and past the cracks of Mark Lee the idol, to witness glimpses of Just Mark the person.

It makes him a little nervous and bubbly, to be honest. Makes him feel a small tingle traveling from his fingertips to his toes. He´s happy to see that the idol is way more than meets the eye, but he´s scared of getting attached.

Well, there´s not much he can do except setting boundaries himself if he´s to keep this job. For now, Donghyuck chooses to focus on the music, and sings along.

“You have a beautiful voice, Hyuck,” Mark says after they finish the song, sparkly big eyes and a reverent smile on his handsome face. A pink flush tints the younger´s cheeks.

“I believe my showerhead and roommate agree,” he jokes. Mark chuckles lightly.

“Here, you should learn how to accompany it,” he says, placing the guitar on the younger´s lap. “I´ll show you.”

Mark begins to explain the basics to Donghyuck. He goes through the notes, and helps him position his fingers properly on the strings. He speaks softly, and patiently answers all of Donghyuck´s doubts. He even shows him a melody for a song he´s working on. It feels like time stops to let them both rest and enjoy a simple moment outside the real world and its deadly pace.

Mark finds himself relaxing at the sight of a rosy-cheeked Donghyuck playing the guitar, all soft giggles, honey voice and golden smiles.

Donghyuck doesn´t mind Mark´s hands on him, even if it´s for nonsexual purposes.

They go on for maybe an hour. Until the younger boy remembers he has a bunch of assignments waiting for him at home. He picks up the rest of his clothes, and waves the idol goodbye again.

***

Next time, things don´t go nearly as chill.

Mark´s hips piston hotly against Donghyuck´s, pounding into him strong and fast and messy. It doesn´t feel passionate – it feels angry and burning and desperate. Donghyuck can´t help but arch into his fierce touch, moaning for more, hanging onto the elder´s broad shoulders for dear life.

It´s wet and hard and raw. Donghyuck wants to melt his body into Mark´s until he can´t tell them apart. The little part of his brain that hasn´t been fucked out is the only thing stopping him from calling out Mark´s name and beg – also stopping him from leaving a gigantic hickey on his pretty white neck.

But he doesn´t. And Mark keeps going. His dancer hips maintain a solid quick pace that drives the younger boy to the edge. It´s only when Donghyuck comes, letting out a loud, breathy whine, accompanied by a tight clench of his ass, that Mark comes. He milks his orgasm, slowing down his thrusts until they both lie unmoving, still tangled in each other.

Mark´s heart stops for a second when he sees Donghyuck so fucked out and pretty on his bed, spread out before him. His blonde hair around his head like a halo, his sweaty golden skin covered in moles, his sharp eyes clouded with pleasure, his pink lips letting hot quick breaths out. It´s what Mark would call poetic beauty, and he´s completely defenseless against it.

He detaches himself from the younger´s body, if only to bring something to clean them up. Soon afterwards, he falls next to Donghyuck in bed, a comfortable hand behind his neck. Donghyuck looks at him for a long time before he speaks.

“The baby lion really is a wild animal in bed after all.”

Mark is a little too tired to facepalm, so he conforms with rolling his eyes and letting out a small chuckle.

“You liked it, didn´t you?” he teases back with a knowing smirk.

“Where´s this confidence coming from?” the younger asks with a quirked eyebrow and teasing grin.

“Same old stress has me a little cornered today, I guess,” Mark sighs. He lets himself tell, because he knows he doesn't have to be Mr. Nice & Perfect Idol Mark Lee with Donghyuck – the boy doesn´t believe that shit anyways. And maybe he´s still a bit high off sex.

“Do you never get a rest or something? Like, vacations?”

“We prepare for the next comeback between comebacks, then we promote. It´s just how it is, especially in NCT with all the subunits,” Mark says with a sigh. “And when we do get rest, the first few days it´s great, but then I feel like I´m wasting time or like I´m forgetting to do something. Always looking for more brought me here, but it´s also given me a little obsession with always being occupied, and that´s tiring.”

“Makes sense,” is the only thing Donghyuck can answer. It´s not his place to worry so much over Mark. And yet he can´t help it. “Anything I can help you with? Not to be rude, but I´m pretty sure I won´t be able to keep up with your stamina if you get like this more often.”

Mark laughs, a bit of red climbing up his cheeks and a curious look on his eyes.

“Tell me something about yourself,” Mark says, looking at him with those pretty, sparkly doe eyes of his. Donghyuck is rightfully surprised.

“What? Why?” he asks, a confused frown etching itself to his brow. Mark shrugs.

“Like, half of my life is on the internet, in case you hadn´t noticed. And then you get the see the other half here, when you walk right into my mess. You kind of know a lot about me, and I know next to nothing about you.”

“Hmm, I don´t think there´s much to know,” Donghyuck hums, ignoring the way something seems to flutter in his stomach. “My life has cero drama, and I´m perfectly happy with it.”

“It doesn´t have to dramatic, just…” he purses his lips, as if debating with himself. Donghyuck wishes he didn´t want Mark to say that he wants to get to know him. “Just distract me.”

Donghyuck launches into a story before he can ponder on the sting those words caused.

“Well, my best friend´s name is Yangyang, and he´s a whole character. The other day, we had a big fight about hoodies, because that little shit said that short hoodies with no pockets are better than huge-ass hoodies. Like, what the fuck, man,” he starts to ramble immediately.

“I don´t see much fight material, though…?”

“Mark Hyung, I´m about to push you off this bed,” the younger boy playfully (?) warns. “Besides comfort, bigger hoodies actually have pockets. I don´t know who in the fashion industry decided that pocketless clothes should be a thing, but I will curse them till the end of my days. I can´t just walk around with my phone in my hand!!!”

“That´s what bags are for…?”

“But I hate leaving the volume on my phone, and if it´s in the bag, I can´t feel it vibrate when I get a text or whatever,” Donghyuck argues, a cute pout on his lips added for extra effectivity.

“So, what happened next, Hyuck?” Mark resigns himself to asking, completely amused by the younger boy. Donghyuck could make his supposedly uneventful life into a soap drama if he narrated it himself.

And Donghyuck tells him. He tells Mark about how he accidentally bleached another guy´s eyebrows thinking it was Yangyang; it´s not his fault if he thought only Yangyang was in bed and this Dejun guy sleeps like a trunk and didn´t notice. He tells him about both Chinese boys dyeing his hair purple for revenge, and regretting when it looked good on him. He tells him about the following food fight and how long it took them to clean it all up.

Donghyuck keeps on telling Mark so many things after that one. He tells him about his design teacher, who´s a total asshole. He tells him about his math teacher, who´s so passionate about her job, she makes him excited for her class. He tells him about his favorite ice-cream place, where he takes his younger sisters when they come to visit him. He tells him about how he ended up in computer science, and why iced americano is the best coffee in existence.

Donghyuck tells Mark so many things that night, just to make it all even. Of course, besides listening with rapt attention, Mark excitedly adds some of his own little stories here and there as well – and right out argues against his iced americano theory.

It feels like they´re crossing a border – and neither of them mind.

Donghyuck has to remind himself that it´s all okay, as long as they don´t expect anything else. It´s okay, as long as they stay as they are. It´s all okay, as long as it´s still just a job.

It doesn't matter how many imaginary boundaries they set. Donghyuck _knows_ that things won´t change if the one explicit line they have is not touched. If Donghyuck still gets payment for making Mark feel better (whichever way that is), they are under no risk of getting the wrong idea. They can lie to themselves all they want, Donghyuck is still just part of an arrangement, a deal, a monetary transaction.

He knows it, and is not bothered by it. He´s always known. And some fuzzy feelings in his stomach won´t ruin this for him.

When Mark starts getting sleepy, the younger boy leaves. As he always has done, and will keep on doing.

***

They start talking some more their next sessions. Sex is the main event, but either prefaced or followed by a conversation. Sometimes it´s about banalities, sometimes it´s about deeper thoughts.

Apparently, they like to talk at the most random moments, be it as they fuck or as they take off Mark´s stained bedsheets.

“Do you like songwriting?” the older boy asks, a small smile on his face.

“I usually leave composing stuff to goddess Taylor.”

The idol huffs and lets his bedsheets fall down on the floor. He looks for something in one of the drawers of his desk. In the meanwhile, the younger boy tries to put on clean bedsheets on his own (half of the mess is his anyways, oops).

He only manages to do half of it before he is presented a tattered old notebook, filled to the brim with doodles, thoughts and post-its. Mark opens said notebook on a specific page, and hands it over to the younger – rather bashfully, too. (It´s adorable).

Donghyuck takes it carefully; he feels like this is kind of personal. Sure, probably millions of people will eventually get to know what´s in there, when the song is out. But letting someone in during the creation process, before everything´s perfect, when it´s all raw ideas and emotions – it´s letting someone into your head and heart, trying not to let the vulnerability shine too much. Donghyuck understands, and so he´s gentle.

Whatever reason Mark might have to trust him with this, is still a mystery, though. 

“You know that feeling when you´re so sad and disappointed that everything seems unreal? That you just become detached and numb? That´s the feeling I was going for, but I´m not really reaching the depth I want, and my head can´t find a way to express it other than painful wailing,” Mark explains with a grimace.

Donghyuck surveys the lyrics, reading even the notes on the borders.

“And the melody?”

“The one I showed you the other day, with the guitar.”

“Huh.” He thinks for a second, actually trying to give some useful input. “Maybe it´d be good to think of the numbness as a curtain, but not the actual feeling…? Like, there are stages: first the happiness and beauty of the beginning, confusion and frustration when things start mellowing out, anger as this thing isn´t working, and sadness because you´re too tired to be angry. But then again, looking back, there´s mostly nostalgia and this need to show you´re over it. And it´s confusing because it´s all mixed up in a current of flow-y feelings, so you try to detach from them. I don´t know.”

“That…actually makes a lot of sense,” Mark says. Donghyuck can practically see the gears turning in his head. He takes the notebook from Donghyuck´s hands and starts scribbling something on the back of the page.

Donghyuck goes back to the bedsheets quietly, a small smile on his lips at seeing the other boy so into it. Only when he stops writing down stuff, does Donghyuck dare to speak and break his focus.

“A boy group singing a sad love song isn’t very common,” he comments.

“Diverse and experimental is what represents NCT´s charm, no?” Mark answers with a lopsided smile. “Plus, if it comes out in an album, it´ll most likely have a hopeful-for-a-new-love song afterwards.”

“Wouldn´t a song for self-care or self-improvement be better?” the younger boy teases. Mark smiles prettily again, cocking his head to the side.

“That´s a good idea too,” he nods. “Not sure if I´d still be the one to write it, though.”

“So, who broke Mark Lee´s heart? I´ll beat them up,” Donghyuck says with raised eyebrows, slapping a hand to his chest, attempting an intimidating look. He honestly doesn´t know if he´s crossing another border with his question – Mark and Donghyuck are divided by blurred lines, after all. They´re not friends, they´re not strangers, they´re not lovers.

They are two men trying to achieve their own dreams, that happened to meet in an intersection by pure coincidence, and found that working together could help them in their own ways. They don´t owe anything to the other, and could stand up and leave any moment if they wanted to. However, they find themselves talking and laughing and accompanying each other in little stolen moments of time.

Nothing is sure, which makes it convenient. It also makes it harder to set limits, though.

Thank God Mark is too into the song thing to overthink, and decided the question was fine.

“My own expectations. About myself, others, my job, I guess,” he admits, an unreadable expression on his face. Donghyuck feels a pang on his chest. He knows the feeling too well, and doesn´t want Mark to feel like that anymore.

“I´ll beat them up, too,” Donghyuck answers with a blinding smile. Mark smiles back at him, shaking his head in disbelief. Lee Donghyuck.

“I´ll be happy to enjoy the show.”

“Aren´t you a kinky little thing, Hyung?” the younger retreats to teasing. Mark can only huff, ignoring how his cheeks grow pinker by the second. “It´ll have to wait until the semester´s over, though. I´m a busy man.”

“Go on, then,” Mark says with a grin. There´s something – some feeling resembling disappointment – in his eyes that Donghyuck doesn´t let himself decipher. “I´ll let you know how the song turns out.”

Once again, Donghyuck leaves without turning back.

***

It´s a couple of days later that he receives a picture of Mark´s notebook.

_People in love_

_Are bound to get lost_

_In moments of pain and joy._

_But to stay or go_

_Is a matter of choice._

_My love wasn´t enough,_

_And my heart´s been broke._

_Guess I´ll sell you like a song,_

_The way I sold away for you my soul._

_I´ll cry for you no more,_

_And sell you like a song._

Donghyuck thinks it´ll be beautifully heart-breaking, as most tragedies are.

***

Little by little, Mark seeps into Donghyuck´s life, in the same way dew seeps into a flower´s petals.

He realizes it when he sees a watermelon, and immediately thinks of the older boy. When he listens to his music, and feels so, so proud of him. When he sees something funny, and wishes he could show it to the idol. When he finds himself looking forward to their weekly session, even if it´s only a job.

Only in a matter of months, Mark has seen so many sides of Donghyuck. Even that one time Donghyuck was just so angry he could set fire to something, Mark noticed. He noticed and listened. He offered himself as a punching bag so that Donghyuck could let go (“Yell at me all you want, Hyuck. You won´t hurt me, but you´ll stop hurting yourself,” were his exact words). He even offered a hug afterwards – although Donghyuck didn´t take it. Friends is not a part of their arrangement, and it´s getting clearer and clearer.

It´s scary, how Donghyuck doesn't mind Mark crossing some borders but is reminded they need them with every step.

It´s not that he doesn´t want it, it´s just the knowledge that he can´t have it no matter how much he wants to. He is reminded every time they meet; hood over his head when he enters and when he leaves, no hickeys or stylists might notice, no affection outside sex, it´s all he is there for.

Donghyuck understands what he was hired for, and knows what to expect. No matter how much of a wonderful, talented, kind, hard-working boy Mark is, Donghyuck is to remain where he is. He´s the inconsequential, nameless arrangement that won´t ever move past that.

But he can´t help it when Mark seeps slowly into his life, without him noticing or being able to stop it. And maybe someday, Donghyuck will be so full with Mark and Mark´s words and Mark´s smiles and Mark´s memories, that he´ll explode if he isn´t careful. Or worse, he´ll grow to love this thing they have – to love _him_ – and find – after it roots itself so tight around his heart and between his ribs, that cutting him off will hurt more than dying –, that it´s not be a constant in his life anymore.

He knows he can´t let that happen. Impossibility doesn´t look as enticingly romantic to Donghyuck as it is to many people.

He wonders if this weird place they´re at is the antechamber to a beautiful beginning – and if crossing it is worth it, considering there´s a definite ending somewhere past that.

One way or the other, it doesn't matter. He´s not gonna be just one more person who´s fallen and been heartbroken for Mark Lee. He won´t let it happen.

***

There´s some sort of tension between them. Donghyuck attributes it to Mark´s schedule being a little more packed than usual. That´s probably what has the idol on edge.

At least, Mark´s unending workload is what has Donghyuck here. In his studio. Because the boy is a workaholic, and Johnny wants him home before three in the morning – and he knows that won´t happen without a strong intervention, and some incentive to sleep (*wink wonk).

“Hey,” the younger boy greets as he enters the studio. It´s only a small cubicle, with some computers, a keyboard and a couch. Mark looks unfairly hot in a hoodie, messy hair, black-rimmed frames and headphones, as he works completely focused on his task. He also looks surprised to see Donghyuck.

“Hi,” he replies, taking the headphones off. “I thought we cancelled today…?”

“Johnny Hyung called me,” is everything Donghyuck explains. He decides to leave out the fact that he was worried too. Mark nods, sighing. “So, what you doing?”

“Finishing up some string arrangements for another track,” the idol, tiredness clear in his voice and the way he massages his temple. “I´m kind of beaten, but my mind won´t stop thinking about it.”

“Happens to us workaholics,” Donghyuck tries to lift the mood. He is relieved when Mark lets out a soft chuckle. However, it doesn´t quench the worry gnawing at him. “Is there anything I can do to help you get un-stuck then?”

“Nope,” the older boy answers, popping the p adorably. He turns in his chair and runs his hands through his hair, annoyed. “Unless you can thoroughly explain a bunch of romantic feelings to me, so that I can translate them into music, probably not.”

Donghyuck hums, thinking. He sits on the couch defeatedly. A small thought pokes at his conscious, but he doesn´t know if he should let it out. He´s also not sure if he wants to find out – although he´s more curious than scared, he guesses. Plus, Mark and him have been talking more freely nowadays – or something like that.

“Wouldn´t being in a relationship with someone help for this kind of thing?”

“Maybe,” Mark presses his lips into a thin line, not looking at him. “Inspiration at the cost of a relationship is not worth it, though.”

“How come?” Donghyuck asks, completely intrigued. He thought that´s how most artists went. He´d rather think of that than of the feeling in his throat – something akin to disappointment that should not be there.

“A relationship just involves too much effort, time, and feelings. And then there´s the subsequent heartbreak, so no,” he shrugs. “And, like, it´s also hard to find someone who´s genuinely up for what it implies dating an idol, or someone who´s not only interested in the money and glitter and fame.”

“Huh,” is the only thing Donghyuck can muster. The thought of Mark being burned before in a relationship doesn´t sit well with him; Mark is an awesome person, he doesn´t deserve to have it so difficult. Donghyuck gets the feeling it´s something that frustrates the idol too – and tries to convince himself he´s not asking because he _wants_ to know. He prods on; “What if you do find someone, do they have a chance?”

“I don´t think so. People in relationships often want to share everything there is to them and become one, and all that shit. But I have a hectic life, and I´m not in control of many things in it, so there´s a limit to what I can share and change.”

“I don´t get it,” Donghyuck admits, frowning. Mark bites down on his lower lip, as if debating whether to say something or not.

“Things like answering texts right when they come in, always being able to make time, going public. They´re not things I can offer, and that might be unfair, but I can´t do much to fix it,” he explains, sighing. “With the time thing, for example, I might not be able to get real time to spend with someone on the first promotions week, or while I´m on tour. Not because I don´t want to, but my schedule is packed and I barely have time to eat and sleep. And most people don´t consider napping together to be quality date time,” he tries to joke.

Donghyuck nods. It´s what he expected, and that awful feeling in his throat shouldn´t be there. It´s not that he´s greedy, it´s just that Mark Lee deserves the world. He´s so, so hardworking, dedicated, talented, kind, considerate. And has to choose between loving someone, and loving music, the dream he´s worked so hard and sacrificed so much for. It´s unfair, and it is a given. At least Mark sees it as a lost cause – or is adamant about it because he wants to believe it. He probably can´t afford hope and risk his hard-earned professional success.

Donghyuck wishes he could do something for him. He knows why he craves to hug Mark, comfort him and change his mind. His feelings for the idol are becoming obvious to him. However, he doesn't even dare to think of them; if he doesn´t say it, it´s not true, and therefore won´t have to stop this – won´t have to stop himself from what he´s about to do, and say it´s just part of their arrangement. For now.

“I think I know how to get your head to stop working, Hyung,” Donghyuck purrs. Mark quirks an inquisitive eyebrow at him, rakes his eyes over his body. Donghyuck takes it as an encouragement, and spreads his legs on the couch. “Are you interested in controlling everything in a particular _situation_?”

Mark sucks in a sharp breath. Donghyuck urges him to get closer with a nod of his head and a hand gesture. The idol stands up shakily, lust clear in his eyes – and a little hesitation in the way he bites his lip.

“I´ve never done something like this,” he confesses. Donghyuck smiles.

“It´s alright,” he reassures. Mark advances towards him.

“Can I…?” the idol starts asking. Donghyuck interrupts.

“You´re the one in control here, Hyung, you can do whatever you want.” He knows it´s a big step on trust. But Mark needs it – and Donghyuck does trust Mark. He´ll be okay.

“I don´t want to do something you don´t want,” Mark implores, proving Donghyuck´s point of him being trustworthy.

“I´ll tell you what: you say what you want before doing it, and if I´m uncomfortable, I´ll say no,” the younger boy proposes. The idol nods, surer this time. Then, an idea seems to flash in his head. He sits back on his leather chair, and plays a track Donghyuck doesn´t recognize on the speakers.

“I want you to strip for me,” Mark asks, his eyes burning with desire that threatens to set Donghyuck ablaze.

And Donghyuck follows Mark´s command, taking off his clothes item by item. He makes a show of removing his top and arching back seductively. He makes sure Mark notices his skin full of goosebumps and his pebbled nipples. He takes his pants off deliberately slowly, rubbing his thighs together as he stares at Mark´s lips and licks his own.

What he wasn´t expecting was Mark running his fingers up and down the inner part of his own thigh, teasing himself. His breath hitches when the idol takes his hand to his crotch, letting his fingers draw circles that are surely not enough. And he´s looking straight at Donghyuck while he touches himself – light, teasing, craving.

It ignites a fire in the younger´s stomach.

“Come here,” Mark orders in a low voice, patting his lap. Donghyuck follows suit. While he likes teasing Mark and how cute he can be when he´s all flustered, Donghyuck likes this side of Mark too. Confident, unapologetic, sure – eyeing Hyuck like a juicy piece of meat he knows is meant only for him.

The younger boy sits on Mark´s lap, the feeling of Mark´s hardening cock beneath his sweatpants on his bare thighs making him shiver. He wants nothing more than to run his fingers through his dark hair, take his shirt off him, have his weight on his tongue. But he sees the way Mark is watching every single one of his movements; if he wants complete control, Donghyuck will give it to him.

“Hands on my shoulders, and keep them there,” the idol commands quietly yet firmly. The younger boy does as told. However, the fire burning in his core threatens to consume him if he doesn´t do something soon. So he smashes his lips on Mark´s, mouth open and ready to take him.

And Mark is never one to disappoint.

He kisses Donghyuck fervently, to the point he believes he´ll melt from the inside out if Mark keeps it up. He can´t keep his moans contained when the older boy starts playing with his body as he kisses him. Mark´s hands tease his nipples, explore his legs and sides, knead his plump ass. Donghyuck never felt as much unparalleled want as he feels at the mercy of Mark Lee.

“ _Hyung_ ,” Donghyuck whines into the idol´s mouth, fisting his hoodie to stop his own hands from wandering and demanding _more more more_. His hips rock forward without thought, trying to get friction against Mark´s muscled thigh.

Mark´s grip on his hip tightens, surely leaving imprints behind. He pulls Donghyuck back by his hair, forcing him to look at him through the daze of pleasure. The younger boy is relieved to notice how blown Mark´s pupils are, how into this he looks. After all, his relaxation is Donghyuck´s ultimate purpose.

“My name, Hyuck. Say my name,” he growls into Donghyuck´s mouth. “Tell me you want _me_ , tell me you´ll take me in _so_ good.”

Donghyuck knows it´s bound to hurt him. He knows saying it – _his_ name, how much he wants _him_ – will make it impossible to avoid. At the moment, he doesn´t care enough. Or maybe he cares too much.

“Yes, yes, _Mark_ , come inside me already,” he says, not able to hide the urgency in his voice. The idol answers with a searing kiss. He slides his hands under the younger´s thighs, and lifts him up, carrying him over to the couch. If Donghyuck wasn´t turned on before, Mark´s sculpted biceps definitely did it for him.

Mark climbs on top of him, not breaking their kiss until he has to ask for lube and a condom. Donghyuck just points to his hoodie, hoping Mark will get it. Oh, and does Mark get it.

“You planned this, didn´t you?” he asks, an edge of danger on his tone, his figure caging the younger´s and making him feel every inch of his powerful body against his. Donghyuck bites down on his lip.

“I know how you operate, Mark Lee,” he teases. Mark´s smirk freezes for a second, but he is quick to recover. His hand dives between the younger´s legs, circling his aching hole with his long, wet fingers. Donghyuck gasps loudly, arching his back into the touch.

“You´re so good for me, baby. Love it when you make those sounds,” Mark whispers against his throat as he works Donghyuck open. And Donghyuck moans louder at the praise, at the feeling of Mark stroking his walls urgently but with so much care.

They kiss lazily as Mark´s guitar-calloused fingers thrust into him, one by one, stretching him – until Donghyuck´s moving to meet them halfway, impatiently asking for more. And Mark gives it to him, pushing into his heat inch by inch, so slowly Donghyuck thinks he might catch fire.

It doesn´t take long for Mark to take off his pants, as Donghyuck begs him to. It takes one look from the younger, and the idol is already lining himself up at his entrance.

Then, Mark starts pulling out and pushing in. Harder each time. Sinking in such way it makes Donghyuck clench with every thrust. It´s so good. Mark is so good. And Donghyuck swallows every groan, moan and whine falling out of his lips. He _takes_ and _takes_ and _takes_ it all in.

“Can I come, Mark? _Please_ ,” Donghyuck manages to breathe out, punching the words off his mouth and into the elder´s. Mark dives into another hot kiss, his tongue doing wonders, and his dick taking Hyuck to the next dimension.

“Come for me, baby,” is what Mark says in his rough, fucked-out voice, sending Donghyuck over the edge. A couple of thrusts afterwards, Mark comes inside him. They lay like that for a minute, catching their breath. Donghyuck takes the chance to admire Mark, his kiss-swollen lips, his hooded eyes, his messed-up hair, his sweaty skin. Him. So beautiful and hot and out of reach.

To top it off, Mark does something quite surprising. He caresses Hyuck´s face, pushing the hair out of his sweaty forehead gently, and pecks his forehead slowly. It´s that sole movement that slaps Donghyuck with the realization – and inevitability – of what comes next.

He forces himself to speak, refusing to let his lungs clog up with unshed tears and repressed emotions.

“Ready to go home now, Hyung?” he asks, willing to keep his voice even. When Mark looks at him, there´s something akin to sadness in his eyes, but it´s probably just tiredness, that´s all. He looks away.

“Yeah.”

They clean up as quickly as they can, even with their sluggish movements. They don´t really look at each other either. Donghyuck puts on his clothes while the idol closes everything on the computer, and packs his stuff in his battered Jansport bag.

Because Mark seems a little lost and very tired, Donghyuck offers his hand to him, cocking his head to the door. Mark understands the gesture, but he doesn't take Donghyuck´s extended hand. He latches on to the arm of his hoodie, so that the younger can guide him out without taking the risk of being seen holding hands.

Of course. They can fuck all they want, but holding hands is clearly out of their arrangement and the safety it provides. Donghyuck swallows the bitter taste in his mouth.

He guides Mark into the van that brought him here. They go inside quietly – and remain quiet through the whole ride. Donghyuck is thankful that Mark is tired enough to fall asleep the second the van starts moving. It´s when he places his head on the younger´s shoulder and lets out a contented sigh that everything hits Donghyuck at once.

It´s just so easy to fall in love with Mark Lee.

His kind words, his dorky self, his hardworking attitude, his pretty eyes, his dreamy mind, his cute comments, his little perks and details and even his flaws. It´s so simple to like him, so natural to grow fond of his laugh and his nose and all of his mannerisms. Falling for Mark was one of the easiest things Donghyuck has ever done.

Loving Mark, though, that is without a doubt hard. Because it hurts so bad to know you love, and you´re not loved back – and you keep on loving anyway.

A love woven with memories of unbalanced meanings and wishes that never came true, is not a love worth remembering. Yet, it´s the one that leaves the deepest scars.

But here´s the thing: fireworks and drama are not love. Tragedy and obstacles and pain are not love. To Donghyuck, love should feel like something comforting, reliable, safe. Sure, with disturbances at times, but not unavoidable doom. And not one-sided.

He deserves something true. He deserves to be loved, not to be just a convenience to someone else.

Maybe he´s not “giving all for love” or whatever romantic bullshit that is. But Donghyuck is not a rehabilitation center, he´s not someone who can offer all his support and never be given back one drop of concern in return. He´s not someone who romanticizes unequal grounds in relationships, much less if he´s been assured that it´s not something Mark wants.

Love is not everything – at least romantic one. It´s not all he is, or all he wants to do with his life. It´s something he´d like for sure, but not something he needs, certainly not if it hurts him like this. Whoever says love isn´t true unless it´s painful can suck his ass. He´s not losing himself and being vulnerable to someone who won´t do the same in return.

He is his own person, not only someone´s someone.

Donghyuck might seem invincible, always energetic and full of jokes. But he´s only human. He has fears and dreams and tears he´s silently shed in the privacy of his room. And this whole situation hurts. But he won´t let himself feel bad for choosing himself over an impossible love. He won´t let himself be beaten by this. He´ll be okay.

The van stops in front of Mark´s building. Donghyuck cards his fingers through his messy hair, trying to wake him up gently. It´s not Mark´s fault, he´s the one who got out of line.

“Hyuck?” he mumbles sleepily. The sight makes the younger´s heart squeeze.

“We´re here,” is all he dares to say. Mark nods, rubbing his eyes to wake up.

They get down from the van. Mark takes a hold of Hyuck´s hoodie and pulls, trying to drag him in with him. Donghyuck tries to chuckle, sounding rather strained. Mark looks up, confused and adorable and so hard to let go of.

“Come on.”

 _Please don´t look at me like that, I might think you love me too,_ Donghyuck thinks.

“I don´t live here, silly,” the younger boy reminds him. Mark´s mouth makes an `o´, realizing he´s right. He frowns.

“At least let the van take you,” he says. Donghyuck shakes his head, giving him a smile as big as he can manage.

“Nah, I´ll just take the subway. It´s pretty close, anyway.”

Mark opens his mouth to say something else, but no sound comes out. He looks like he wants to give Hyuck a goodbye hug – maybe even a kiss. Donghyuck´s heart beats wildly in his chest, hanging on to a last thread of hope. Mark doesn´t move, though.

Donghyuck is not one to let his tomorrow be a promise someone else has to keep. And this doesn´t seem like a fight for true love – it feels more like despair and disappointment at something that was always supposed to turn out this way. He doesn´t want it. He´s not giving up because love is hard, he´s leaving because the healthy, good kind of love he´s looking for shouldn´t and wouldn´t hurt like this – not if it was mutual.

The younger boy gives the idol an awkward wave, and turns around without looking back.

Donghyuck is nothing if not honest, and that includes being honest with himself. He´s in love with Mark Lee. He´s not willing to suffer, knowing it won´t take him anywhere. He needs to break off their arrangement. He walks away.

A silly thought comes to his mind. Maybe Mark will sell him off as a song when he finds out he´s gone. That´d mean he was just one more person who fell for him, but also that he was important enough. Or maybe that won´t happen, and Donghyuck will be forgotten among the notes like the nameless arrangement he was supposed to be all along. Everything regarding Mark seems to be wrapped around too many maybes without resolution.

He texts Johnny.

_I found another job, Hyung._

_Can you tell Mark the deal is off?_

Johnny doesn't reply.


	2. Just a little bit of your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark´s take in the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Ariana Grande´s [Just a little bit of your heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVOhs_TSwsQ) obviously. On random facts today: the song that originally gave me the ideas for this work was [Monsta X´s She´s the one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nb5XPLxKtik), and I took all the heartbreak and tried it out here. 
> 
> This is from Mark´s pov, I hope you enjoy!

Little by little, Donghyuck drapes himself onto Mark´s routine, in the same way honey drapes itself over anything it drips on.

He sees it when he´s doing something – from work or just a hobby – and wants to share it with the younger boy. When he is with his members and thinks it´d be so much fun if they all hung out together. When he wishes Donghyuck would stay and talk for a little longer after their sessions.

Somehow, Donghyuck has managed to carve a space for himself in Mark´s packed schedules and head. He´s managed to make Mark be reminded of him even through the smallest things. Like piano, for example. Donghyuck taught Mark a piece he wanted to play for a SuperM show – in return for teaching him how to play the guitar, he´d said.

Donghyuck has Mark wrapped around his fingers, he´s managed to get to know him so well. But that´s the thing, Mark has shown him everything, has been tired, grumpy, happy, silly, messy…real. And Donghyuck didn´t leave. However, he knows he could be nothing more than an illusion. If Mark wasn´t paying, would Donghyuck stay if he asked him to?

The answer that´s most likely to be true, makes Mark´s heart pang with pain: no, he wouldn´t stay.

Then again, asking Donghyuck to stay without payment seems like something selfish to do. There´s a reason why he accepted this as a job, right? And Mark is here, only considering his feelings and not the whole situation. Egocentric much, huh.

He knows Donghyuck should be to him no more than a temporary fascination, a way of release – and maybe even a muse for a little while. He can like Hyuck´s bright laugh, pretty voice and sharp tongue. Anything else is off limits, not in contract.

It´s for the best. And yet, he can´t help the warm feeling in his chest whenever Hyuck is around.

Mark doesn´t want to think about what could happen. Because maybe someday, Donghyuck´s honey will be everywhere, make it too sticky to move around without him, if he isn´t careful. Or worse, he´ll grow to love the sweetness so deeply – need it –, and find that it was nothing more than a passing luxury. Personal attachments are not great things to have in this career path he´s taken – and he´s worked too hard to let it all crumble down for something uncertain.

He makes do with all the crumbs Donghyuck gives him, trying to build a beautiful sand castle before the waves inevitably crush it.

***

When Mark receives the news that Donghyuck is not coming back, his first reaction is detachment. He thanks the universe for his packed schedule that´s bordering on promotion time, and throws himself into a work frenzy.

His first thought is that his infatuation with Hyuck was too obvious, and made him uncomfortable. However, he knows that´s just wishful thinking. For Donghyuck to notice Mark´s feelings, he´d have to consider it a possibility. But Hyuck probably doesn't even think of Mark like that. It´s not like he ever had a chance.

Maybe he wanted to live into the illusion for a little longer. Maybe he didn´t care if Donghyuck lied to him if it meant keeping him close. Maybe he needed to believe it, and wanted the younger boy to convince him.

Maybe he was asking for too much.

It hurts so bad to know he´s messed up and in love, and still meant nothing more than paycheck. Because Mark wanted those touches and conversations and smiles to mean something. He wanted _them_ to mean something.

He knows he´s the only one feeling this way. What Donghyuck said about numbness and that whole song he wrote comes back to slap him.

***

Like always, it´s Johnny who makes him eat, rest and talk things out. Of course, as the romantic guy he is, he thinks Mark should at least try.

“Write a song for him, serenade him with it! What is more romantic than that? And if he says no, then you can write a heartbreak song,” he suggests in that easy-going way of his. Mark shakes his head.

“I can´t, Hyung.”

“Why not?”

“He…” Mark starts, but takes a second to organize his thoughts. “A few persons have made me want to write songs about them, but Donghyuck is the only one who´s made me want to _stop_ time and _enjoy_ the moment, the simple things. He´s not just inspiration for another song I´m gonna write, toss away and try to forget about. He´s…special to _me_ , not only my craft.”

“Sounds like you´re in love,” Johnny sighs.

“Yeah…”

There are dreams so risky that it takes it all to reach them. Mark´s dream is the kind he had to give up or give everything else up for. And he has. He quit all but his dream, until he´d almost convinced himself he´d be nothing and no one without it.

But people can become safe places, and there are persons able to remind others of the truths in their existence.

And that´s exactly the thing. Mark is passionate, dedicated, and throws his everything in for his music. He usually doesn't like the quiet moments between the stage-high and the rush for preparations. Yet, with Donghyuck, those moments don´t feel restless, desperate – overwhelmingly empty. With Hyuck by his side, he doesn´t feel the need to be productive all the time; he feels like he´s surrounded by comfort and softness and… and the will to let his life have more than his career in it.

Lee Donghyuck makes Mark Lee feel he´s more than just a shiny idol. He can be more than his dream. If only he lets himself see it.

And Mark is in love with how unapologetically _real_ Hyuck is. His loud laugh, his sharp tongue, his genuine eyes, his caring hands, his strong beliefs, his witty mind, his mischievous smile. He´s in love with everything Donghyuck is, to put it simply.

“Sounds like you should do something about it,” Johnny says with a knowing smile. Mark bites down on lip, conflicted.

“I don´t know, dude, I don´t want to impose or intrude. And if he told you instead of me, it´s probably because he doesn´t wanna see me,” Mark sighs, rubbing his temple in frustration.

“You´ll figure it out, bro,” Johnny tries to comfort him with a pat on the back. He leaves him to think, shortly after that.

Oh, and does Mark think, and think, and think some more.

Why does he have to choose every time? He can´t have it all, that´s clear, but everyone deserves little joys. His career has always been the number one priority, but does it have to be the only one? Mark doesn't think so – or at least he wants to believe he could make more of his life than this.

All these doubts, do they mean he doesn't belong here – that he doesn´t deserve this dream and reality? He doesn't want to even go down that road. Mark loves music; it´s been his companion and comfort for so long, and he´s not willing to let go. As long as he loves what he´s doing, he´s meant for this place he´s worked hard for. He´s convinced of that. He _has_ to be convinced.

Yet, he could have done so many things differently. Like meeting Donghyuck. But life has its ways and maybe, even if they hadn´t met the way they did, things would be the same. Mark would still be heartbroken, and he still wouldn´t want anyone but Lee Donghyuck to break his heart. 

All in all, Mark thinks Donghyuck awoke him from a monotony he hadn´t realized was taking up his life. He doesn´t regret falling in love with Hyuck. He knows that. He doesn´t want to lose him.

And maybe it´s not too late to show it. He hopes it´s not.

***

_Dear Donghyuck,_

_Hey. This might be a little awkward… Sorry, I´m used to writing lyrics, not letters. But you´re special, and I still wanted to do this for you._

_You see, my mom used to say handwritten letters are the best gifts in the world. She firmly believes letters reflect the writer´s feelings and mind so perfectly. I think letters are something nostalgic, and so, so human – so full of mistakes, smudges and honest words never spoken out loud. Most of all, a letter is a memory you can save in one of your drawers, forget between all the discarded mail, or simply burn away with a single flame._

_I´ll take my chances and hope my sincerity doesn't end up in ashes._

_Because I want to be as sincere as possible to you._

_Being an idol, sharing my music with the world, it´s my dream. And it´s a dream that entails many things. It means keeping active, making sure the world doesn´t forget I´m here. It means being in the spotlight constantly, creating content the fans want. It means long hours of training, recording, and sacrifices, without letting anyone know about it. It means singing and smiling and being funny, because people are applauding, even if inside I´m a mess._

_Not all of it is bad, I actually enjoy it most of the time. I love performing, hearing the people sing my lyrics back to me. I love plastering my feelings and thoughts into a piece of paper and making it come alive in the studio. I love making people all around the world happy, reminding them they´re not alone. I love meeting new people and places, and how the world seems to have opened up to me. I love my members, my music, and even practice._

_You´ve seen me and my life, and I thought I´d shown you enough for you to see me whole. But I´ve come to the conclusion that I´m used to sharing so much about myself, and yet keeping some of the most important things in the privacy of my mind, where no one can use them against me. Call it an idol defense mechanism. I´m sorry I used it with you too, I swear I didn´t mean to._

_We love seeing the raw truth of others but we´re afraid to let them see our own vulnerability. What I´m trying to say is, I want to let you know me, because I´ve loved knowing the pieces of you, you shared with me. So, here are some of my most important truths._

_I´m in love with my dream, that hasn´t changed since I was eleven and took the chance and a plane to the other side of the globe. But I´ve realized this is not my only dream. You won´t let me lie, I´m not someone who conforms with what has been gained till now. I have dreams for the future too (not all of them music hahaha). Right now, most of those dreams are only wishful thinking._

_I wish I could grow taller._

_I wish I could eat more pizza without worries, sometime in the future._

_I wish I could do better with my body too, even eating pizza._

_I wish I could reach even more people with my music, make them feel something._

_I wish I could think about home more often, so that I don´t forget the little details._

_I wish I could slow time down, live in the moments and fill them with memories._

_I wish I could kiss you and your pretty moles right now._

_I wish I could have showed you much I care about you, when it mattered._

_I wish I could have spent more time talking with you, laughing with you._

_I wish I could tell you how in love I am with you face to face._

_I wish I could make you fall in love with me too, that you´d give me the chance._

_I wish I could learn all the ways to love you, if you´d let me._

_…_

_I wish I could play the marimba, it´s such a cool instrument hahaha._

_Um, yes, anyways…you understand the point. This is the part where I get on my knees, and beg you won´t burn this letter away._

_All that´s left is asking you, will you let me love you??_

_Yours, Mark :)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I was writing this chapter I thought a lot about The Burnout Society by Byungchul Han and Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor. Nothing was directly inspired or anything, but after editing it I was reminded of them by the thematic of dreams I guess…? Anyways, they´re always a good read. 
> 
> And I had a small little crisis writing this too, bc college and the future, and I was listening to Julia Lester´s and Olivia Rodrigo´s [Wondering](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc8008B4ENI). Sorry if my crisis was palpable through Mark lol.
> 
> Hope you liked it! 
> 
> [Twitter !](https://twitter.com/tooweird2live1) | [cc!](https://curiouscat.qa/tooweird2live1)


	3. Love this  rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They come to a resolution, and the final piece is worked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from NCT 127´s [Love song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THqPv90d6Oo)! I was originally going to use something from Lady Gaga´s [Million reasons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=en2D_5TzXCA), but it kinda sounded too tragic sooo here we are. (Dancing in the rain was also an option but all the markhyuck moments singing Love song convinced me :p).

When Donghyuck receives Mark´s letter, he isn´t sure of what comes next. He´s feeling all fuzzy and tingly and whatnot, but there´s also some doubt; he has no idea if Mark means it for real, and, if he does, how they´re supposed to make it work. It´s truly confusing – and completely out of his control.

Naturally, he calls The Committee, a board of advisors for the hardest decisions in his life. It consists of Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, Shotaro and Yangyang, aka The Executioner, The Muscle, The Mama Bear, The Cutie and The Mastermind. Besides being good advisors, they always bring candy to their meetings, that´s a big plus.

“Burn it, send back the ashes in a pretty flask with a happy face drawing on it.”

“Do whatever you feel like doing, Hyuck.”

“Exactly! Follow your heart!”

“I vote for love.”

“Meet him somewhere you want, talk it out, and say it´s a prank if you don´t like how it goes!”

Yeah, great friends and advisors. Clearly. Donghyuck flops down on his bed unceremoniously, his arms wide open. He thanks the heavens when his friends mostly shut up and just flop over him, going in for a much-needed group hug. He only wants this warmth and safety, knowing they´ll have his back no matter what he chooses to do.

He can cry about it later in the bathroom, when he´s alone and no one will notice the Great Donghyuck has a soft heart. Tonight, he´s having a rejuvenating night with all of his close friends, an unhealthy amount of junk food, and an Uno game that´s bound to end with blood.

He´ll be okay.

***

After much pondering and not so much crying, Donghyuck came to a decision: he does want to hear Mark out, but it´ll be done on his own terms. If the idol passes all his tests, he might consider what to do next. So, he texted the older boy, asking him to come to his dorm on Sunday night. To his surprise, Mark texted back in less than an hour.

And that´s how they ended up here, face to face in Donghyuck´s college dorm.

Mark actually looks nervous, wringing his fingers anxiously, nothing like the confident or shy boy in the confines of his apartment. And Donghyuck realizes that Mark really doesn´t know what might happen in this conversation; for all he knows, which is not much, the younger boy could have called to tell him about a lawsuit, a press scandal, to cuss at him or simply reject him. Honestly, it relaxes Donghyuck a little, knowing he´s not the only scared here – even if it might be for different reasons.

He invites the older boy in, watches as he takes in Donghyuck´s dorm, and how different it is from his own; two beds facing each other, the kitchenette, the mess of books beside the beds. It is a strange feeling for Donghyuck too, seeing Mark in a hoodie, his black-rimmed frames and a cap that leaves some blonde strands of hair in sight, in his dorm. It´s like watching two completely different worlds collide – and finding out they´re not that different after all.

Mark sits on Hyuck´s bed, touching the comforter with nervous fingers. Donghyuck sits on Yangyang´s bed, facing him.

“Did you mean it? Everything you said in that letter?” he asks with the blankest expression he can handle. He doesn´t beat around the bush, it´s not a Donghyuck thing to do.

“Yes, I do. I´m so in love with you, Hyuck,” Mark says without hesitation, his voice begging for belief. Even if Donghyuck feels like his heart threatens to beat out of his chest and into Mark´s hands, he doesn't show it. He´s not gonna let it go so easily.

“Since when?”

“A while.”

“Why didn´t you say something?” He can´t keep the hurt and accusation in his voice hidden enough, despite his efforts. Mark looks conflicted and so, so sorry.

“I thought it´d be selfish,” he admits in defeat, letting his shoulders slump. “It could make you uncomfortable, cost you a job and some income…you never told me much about that but, well, it didn´t seem like the right thing to do.”

Stupid, sweet Mark Lee, always putting others before you, Donghyuck thinks. But the younger boy doesn´t let this bubbly puddle of warm feelings cloud his mind. He needs more than a love declaration if they want this to work.

“Your confession doesn't equal a commitment to something like a relationship, though,” he states, loud and clear. And Mark takes the beating like he expected it.

“I know. But I do want that. I´d love to date you, if you wanted to,” he says, vulnerability clear in the way he bites down on his lips.

“How would that even work?” the younger boy questions, heart in his throat. The idol visibly flinches.

“Well, there´s texting, and some places that aren´t that popular too, and we could still meet like we´d been doing, and we can talk about anything you´re concerned about and figure it out, and I can´t go public but–“ he says in a rush, afraid of Hyuck backing off.

“I have no problem with secret dating if people close to us can know,” he interrupts.

“Yeah. That´s great,” Mark exhales shakily, looking relieved and a little hopeful.

“Good, cause my friends are probably eavesdropping from outside that door, just in case you said anything mean,” Donghyuck admits with a sheepish smile. The idol deflates, though.

“Oh… I´m sorry, Hyuck. I really don´t intend to hurt you in any way. You mean more to me than you could imagine. I´m… I really want to try this out with you,” and sincerity shines so bright on those big pretty eyes of his, that Donghyuck believes every single word. Then, Mark starts nervously rambling again: “If you want to. If you don´t then this is awkward but I understand, I–“

“ _God_ , I´m in love with an idiot,” Donghyuck huffs, not able to hide the uptilted corners of his lips.

“You _what_??” Mark screeches. The younger boy rolls his eyes back so hard, he almost sees the inside of his head. Gosh, this boy.

“Why else would I break off the arrangement?” he exasperatedly asks.

“…You got a new job?? And wait, am I the idiot or did you find someone??” Mark looks more puzzled than ever. He even lets out Confused Mark Lee Sounds (you know what I´m talking about).

“Sometimes you can be so slow, Mark Lee. You´re _obviously_ the idiot,” he sighs, not even trying to hide his smile this time. And Mark, well, Mark is absolutely _beaming_ (despite the mildly insulting confession).

“Can I hug you?”

Donghyuck practically throws himself at the idol, arms around his neck and drawing them as close as physically possible. And Mark wraps his arms around his waist just as enthusiastically, burying his head in his collarbones and finding a home there.

He really doesn't mind keeping the other boy this close, even if their clothes are on and things are still to be resolved.

“We kinda did this backwards,” Donghyuck jokes. Mark presses him tighter to his chest and speeding heart.

“I bet we can still make it work.”

“Do you have a schedule tomorrow?”

“Uh?” Mark draws back to look at him. “I have a photoshoot at eleven-ish, and then practice in the afternoon. Why do you ask?”

“Would you…” Donghyuck feels truly nervous for the first time. “Would you like to stay for a while longer…? Have dinner here, and maybe watch a movie…? Talk some more?”

“I´d love that,” he smiles so big, the corners of his eyes crinkle and his nose scrunches up. Donghyuck loves the sight.

They spend the night just like that. They heat whatever was in the younger´s cupboard and talk for hours. They talk about a lot of things. Not nearly enough, for sure. But they get to enough agreements to rest assured – and know they can always talk some more if anything arises. They can build up from there.

They cuddle up in Hyuck´s cheap college mattress and watch a movie.

They kiss once, slow, gentle, certain.

**

Eight months in, and Donghyuck couldn’t feel luckier to have fallen so deeply in love with Mark Lee.

Donghyuck finds himself watching NCT´s fifth anniversary vlive with a huge, stupid, proud smile plastered on his face. He sees the members playing and joking around, all goofy smiles and grateful eyes.

And of course, he sees Mark. He sees the way his black t-shirt clings to his broad shoulders, how he keeps pushing his frames up his nose when they slide down from laughing so hard, and how his eyes crinkle adorably at the corners and his nose scrunches up as he giggles. He sees how he dotes on the younger members, and lets himself be coddled by the older ones. He sees how sincere he is when he thanks all the people who´ve supported him and his group all these years. Donghyuck sees Mark´s moles, Mark´s shorts, Mark´s hands, Mark´s eyes, Mark´s words, Mark´s _heart_.

God, maybe he´s developing tunnel vision. And probably some really strong cheek muscles, cause he can´t stop smiling at the stupid screen.

He´s so, so endeared and awfully _happy_.

Even more so when he receives a call a couple of minutes after the live. He picks up right away, not bothering to hide the smile in his voice.

“Hello?”

“Baby, it´s me,” Mark murmurs fondly into the phone. The younger boy´s heart picks up just like that. He assumes he´s about to get to the van and head home.

“I know,” he whispers back just as fondly. “Congratulations, mister Lee. You´ve come really far, and you deserve all the love and recognition in the world,” he says sincerely.

“Thanks, Hyuck,” and he can just imagine Mark´s shy smile and the blush on his cheeks as he hears it. “You know it´s gonna be hectic for a couple of days, but I´ll still see you next week…?”

“You know you will,” he teases. “So impatient, Mark Lee. I promise I´m not going anywhere.”

“Good, that´s great, _you´re_ great,” a flustered Mark answers. Donghyuck chuckles.

“Stop worrying about me, doofus. Celebrate with the guys, relax.”

“Okay. Oh, and, by the way, they really liked your present.”

“It´s just a little detail, but I hope you all can enjoy it,” he replies. He´d sent just a small basket with everybody´s favorite snacks and a videogame, and some cupcakes for the managers. It´s not much – you can´t afford to buy much for so many people with a college-student-working-a-part-time-job budget – but it´s still a congratulations and a thank you.

“Bet we will. Although I´m a little sad there´s nothing specially meant for me,” he teases, and Hyuck smiles stupidly at the obvious pout in his voice.

“There _is_ something, I just wanted to give it to you in person,” the younger boy assures. “But you can´t tell the guys, or they´ll get jealous of the preferential treatment I give you.”

“But you´re _my_ boyfriend,” Mark whines harder. Donghyuck giggles. God, he´s so whipped. Those words still make him feel like he´s flying, even after all these months.

“Well, yes, but you haven´t been behaving properly, baby boy,” he jokes, chuckling at the elder´s groan. “Don´t think I didn´t notice, Hyung. Just because you´re busy doesn´t mean you´re allowed to not take care of yourself properly,” he adds on a more serious note. He knows Mark will understand what he´s on about.

“It´s only a compression strap, Hyuck. Really, it´s more to relax the muscle than for an injury,” the idol reassures him. “How did you even see it?”

“It peaked out the back of your shirt, caught a glimpse when you leaned down,” he answers. He doesn't mention he was ogling at Mark´s shoulders and the back of his neck just enough to notice, though. The idol doesn´t need to know how much of a weak man Donghyuck is for him and his beefy shoulders.

“You were paying attention, huh?” he eases the tension in the air. “I´m all good, Hyuck. You can ask mom Taeyong and Doyoung if you want to double check.”

“I might text them,” Donghyuck replies. Mark sighs loudly. The younger boy laughs. “Go celebrate, Mark. You´ve earned it.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Adoration is not enough of a word to describe their hearts.

***

It hasn´t been easy, this thing between them. They´ve had to work it out together, try it along the way, and take it tenderly step by step. And yet, they wouldn´t want it any other way.

Donghyuck meets all of Mark´s members. He likes them quite a lot, especially Johnny and Taeil, who let him get away with everything. They, like Donghyuck´s friends, know about his and Mark´s relationship. They tease them when the younger boy visits a filming site, or when he sees them at the doors, or when they know Mark is going out late for a date. If anyone asks them, they´ll say Hyuck is a very special friend to all of them. He doesn't mind – he even feels more protected by this.

He doesn't need the whole world to know about their love, as long as _their_ small world and _their_ important people know.

Mark meets Donghyuck’s friends too. He forms a cute friendship with Jeno based on having demanding boyfriends and being completely whipped for them. Yangyang, Jaemin and Renjun make a great job of teasing Mark endlessly, but also of telling him how well he´s done. He basically adopts Shotaro as his own kid, and Donghyuck is just so endeared by how well they all get along.

Between assignments and part-time jobs, schedules and shows, they make it work. Sometimes they go on big adventures to the outskirts of Seoul to watch a movie, and sometimes they stay in their private bubble of comfort, doing nothing more than lying next to each other. Sometimes they make a long visit to a filming site or a project exposition, and sometimes they make hours out of minutes in a rushed call or short text.

Little thrills and experiences in the safety of knowing they´re loved suit them better than the fireworks and drama. Although that will probably come up at some point later – and they will face it together too.

It´s a work in progress, but they know they will make it.

***

When Mark said he had a little something prepared in his apartment, this was not what Donghyuck had in mind. When he´d been asked to dress semi-properly (with a button-up, mind you), he hadn´t imagined this. Somehow, Mark manages to actually take him by surprise.

The furniture in Mark´s apartment is set aside to the walls to leave a bigger space open in the living room. There is a round table with fancy cutlery, flowers and dishes on it. Soft music is playing, and Mark draws back a chair for the younger boy.

“Since we can´t really go out to that restaurant you wanted to try, I thought I could bring a piece of it here,” Mark says bashfully.

It´s a beautiful surprise – such a Mark Lee thing to think about and do. Donghyuck places a small lingering kiss on his cheek, getting a pretty blush in response.

“You´re such a sap,” he chides, with too much fondness to even be considered aggressive. The idol shrugs. They sit down.

Everything is perfect. Donghyuck loves the food, and absolutely adores Mark´s little happy dance at how much he likes it too. They talk about how things are going, and the younger boy doesn´t let any opportunity to make the idol blush pass. They joke and tease, and it feels like happiness.

If he´s honest, he basically sits there, staring at Mark with huge dumb smile on his face as the older boy tells him about his newfound ability for sports videogames. He takes in the excited hand gestures, the light in his big round eyes and the loud giggles coming out of his pretty lips. He can´t stop the fondness in his teasing remarks or the soft edge to his smile.

Being in love makes one´s thoughts so ridiculous. Fluffy borders and bubbly feelings don´t bother him when they´re about Mark, though.

He isn´t bothered in the slightest either when Mark asks him to dance with him. In fact, he is quick to throw his arms around the older boy´s waist and bury his face in the creek of his neck. He is happy to find Mark´s heart beating wildly against his own, chest to chest, with no space for hiding available.

And then Mark, being Mark and somehow having the best reflexes and coordination for dancing but apparently not for walking, trips on nothing. Donghyuck and his unhuman equilibrium manage to keep him up, though.

“Shit!” Mark lets out in a little laugh. The younger boy can´t stop himself from smooching his little nose and smiling at the curse.

“You are so lovely, Mark Lee,” he murmurs against his lips. Mark meets him with a little frown.

“You´re making fun of me,” he whines, pout and all. Donghyuck throws his head back with laughter.

“I´m bragging about you, silly. I´m proud of you. You should know.”

“I do.”

“Good boy,” he teases, infinitely satisfied by the pink flush rising on Mark´s cheeks (even if it is accompanied by a half-felt eye-roll). He detangles himself from the older boy. “I can give you your gift, then.”

“It better not be something kinky,” Mark warns. The younger boy smiles devilishly, reaching for the bag he left on the floor when they entered.

“I think you´d like that too. But not today,” he replies. He hands over the bag, a little nervous shudder going through him. Mark takes the bag and opens it without second thoughts. His smile is radiant.

“Thank you, Hyuck,” Mark says between giggles. He takes the hermetic cereal container out of the bag. “It really is the perfect gift for me.”

“You´ll have the freshest cereal in the block,” Donghyuck jokes. Then he adds, biting his lower lip: “There´s something else.”

“What…?” Mark takes the tiny projector with a confused tilt of his head.

“I figured, with your expensive blackout curtains, we could use a projector…? You know, so that you cans see the snow whenever you feel homesick, or to watch a movie, or have dates wherever we want,” Hyuck scrambles to explain.

Mark looks at him like he hung the stars and the moon from the skies. He leaves the gifts beside him, gently. He takes Donghyuck´s face between his palms.

Mark kisses him the same way he performs on stage: full-heartedly. And yet, as tender and sure as his fingers on the neck of his guitar.

“You are dream come true,” the idol confesses against his lips. Donghyuck presses his smile to the elder´s mouth.

“Do I get a reward?” he teases.

“Whatever you want, baby.”

“You.”

They fumble all the way to Mark´s bedroom. Eager hands, biting mouths and loud groans. They undress quickly, aching to feel skin on skin, even if they know now that they can have all the time in the world.

Donghyuck pushes Mark down, until he´s lying flat on the mattress. He kisses the mole on his cheek, the one on his eyelid, the ones on his neck and the ones on his stomach. He leaves feathery touches on every bit of skin he can reach without taking his mouth off the boy beneath him.

Mark lets out the sweetest sounds for him, all pretty and flushed and pliant.

Donghyuck loves this, loves having Mark this way. His heart soars at being able to touch Mark the way he wants to, without hesitation. It reminds him he´s the only one who gets to see and make Mark Lee feel this way. It reminds him Mark loves giving himself over to him, just as much as he likes giving himself to Mark. It reminds him that they share something special.

He plays with the elder´s nipples, fists his leaking cock and doesn´t let him come. He presses praises to his body, touches all of his favorite spots, and leaves marks where no one will see them. He kisses him, pulls his hair and brings him back from the edge gasping for more. He lets him snap and break and come back together without a spotlight to worry about.

“Hyuck, _please_ ,” Mark begs into his mouth, tongue lapping at the younger´s lips.

Donghyuck takes in the view before him. A breathless Mark, with tears in his eyes, glistening skin, messy hair, kiss-swollen lips, flushed chest, trembling thighs, hard dick. Absolutely beautiful.

“You are so beautiful. So good for me, Hyung,” he murmurs against his neck. Mark chuckles, blush on his cheeks and down his neck.

“My name.”

“You love to be reminded, huh? Music show last week wasn´t enough?” he teases as he lines himself up on the idol´s cock.

“Hearing _you_ call my name is better than hearing a whole stadium do it,” Mark confesses, too soft for what they´re doing. Donghyuck feels his heart thrum in his chest, and he lets his hips drop, swallow Mark whole. He lets out a little moan, arching further into Mark´s body, drawing circles to feel him everywhere. Slowly, driving the older boy mad.

“ _Mark_. You´re all mine.”

“You´re all mine too,” he groans, pushing his hips up to meet the younger´s halfway. He rolls his hips up and down, and lets out little pants that fill up the room. Donghyuck increases his speed, using his hands on Mark´s hard chest as leverage, with the elder´s own hands tight around his waist.

“I am.”

It´s not long after that that their orgasms reach them, jarring and breathless. And Donghyuck leans down to kiss Mark, close-lipped and gentle.

***

They wake up together in bed the next morning. Donghyuck gets to see a sleepy Mark, all puffy face and blanket marks on his skin. He gets to kiss his brow and string an arm around his middle. He gets to run his fingers through his messy hair and cuddle with him when he wakes up.

No more leaving. No more hiding. No more polished stars and lies.

Only them in a tight embrace and ready to face whatever comes their way. Together. Certain. Here. Now. Real. Okay.

They should really thank Johnny one of these days.

Donghyuck smiles at the thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During the call, istg I was soo close to writing “Baby, da yaa, Makkeu” just like in SuperM As we wish, but I had to contain myself hahah
> 
> Also, we need more fics w Mark w a praise kink. I´m convinced it´s a thing. Switch culture and sub tops too, but that´s a mission for ppl better versed in smut than me. Anyways, felt like the smut in a relationship had to be different from before it, which is why I wrote it too lol. 
> 
> I honestly had some trouble on how to exactly finish the fic, so sorry if the ending was weird or something. This was not how I thought it´d all turn out, I kinda wanted to expand on something like my [Stand by me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27265249) fic, but got derailed haha. I still liked the result anyway, soooo I hope you enjoyed it too!
> 
> [Twitter !](https://twitter.com/tooweird2live1) | [cc !](https://curiouscat.qa/tooweird2live1)

**Author's Note:**

> Okayyyy, congrats if you made it through the excuse of smut. Much necessary but I´m bad at writing it, so sorry about that. 
> 
> Anywayss, I don´t have a beta to discuss this with soooo I´m curious on what you think Mark Lee´s kinks could be, like, I seriously couldn´t figure out something that made think `AHA! That´s it!´ 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this part of the story! 
> 
> [Twitter !](https://twitter.com/tooweird2live1) | [cc !](https://curiouscat.qa/tooweird2live1)


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